Allow me to explain...
YP is having a “wellness fair”. Except that some of the organizations there are banks and financial services, so maybe “benefits fair” would have been a better name. Regardless, the American Red Cross has a table from which they are distributing disaster preparedness tips. I walk by.
"Wanna take a disaster preparedness quiz? You get free stuff whether you win or not!"
Having nowhere urgent to be, I say, “Uh… sure!”
"OK, your question is," he says as he looks at a card, "What are the three most common causes of house fires?" I think for a moment. "Don’t worry if you can’t get it. Most people don’t." I nod.
"Well, there’s cooking."
"Um… Is one of them when you don’t clean the lint trap on the dryer?"
"That, uh… That’s actually the third one. That’s, uh… Not.. Not a lot of people guess that one."
I smile. After a few more moments of thinking, he again reassures me that it’s OK if I don’t know all of them and offers to give me the last answer. I tell him to go ahead.
"Candles," he says, "Candles are number two."
"Aw, I should have known that," I respond. This again prompts him to emphasize how OK it is that I didn’t know all three and how few people guess any of them.
"No, really, I should know this one," I protest. He’s about to reassure me again as I start into the next sentence. "My dad’s house burnt down because of a candle once."
"Oh." I realize then that I have overshared. "I’m… I’m sorry to hear that."
"Don’t worry about it. I wasn’t there." I attempt to drag the conversation away from its somber new subject. The Red Cross worker is happy to oblige and begins to walk me through what I’ve won. We part ways, probably with both of us reassured that we are unlikely to ever encounter the other again.
My team at work has an impressive array of coffee equipment. Grinder and everything. I’m told that we used to get workers from all over the floor visiting our corner for coffee. But now the pantry has a new coffee machine. It’s an elaborate, grinder-equipped, touchscreened behemoth. The team feels threatened. They think it’s a power play by the bosses. Trying to keep the little man down. No doubt playing into the scheme of big coffee. When I play the scenario out in my mind, I can’t help but picture them signing this contract:
It used to be that if my computer was off and I unplugged my iPod from it out clicked the mouse, it would turn on. Since I’ve moved, it has stopped doing this. Something about being disconnected and reconnected to all of its peripherals fixed it. Or maybe it was the seven-hour car ride.
I guess what I’m trying to say here is don’t ever let yourself think that you understand computers because they seem to take offense to this.
I: Let’s Create An Elegant Wiring Solution
II: It’s Not Tangled If I Place Something Opaque In Front Of It
III: If You Didn’t Want Me To Duct Tape The Power Brick To The Back Of The Cabinet, You Should Have Given Me A Longer Cable
IV: Removing A Component Without Disconnecting All Of The Others, Eating A Yangtze River Dolphin, And Other Things Only Recently Made Impossible
V: It’s My Party And I’ll Cry If No One Compliments How Organized The Video Game Consoles Look
Can we just talk for a second about the Seal of Alabama
and how it’s the cheat sheet for an 8th grade geography quiz
"We need something that represents Alabama"
"Alabama represents Alabama"
"I should label these other parts so that people don’t think that they’re Alabama too"
Putting “great seal” at the bottom was a clever, because I was speechless looking at this, and I think they almost tricked me into saying that.
This is firing an unusual number of emotions for me. On one hand, it’s perfect. On the other, it’s absurd. And there are just so many questions. Where did they get all of this The Price Is Right music? How did this idea start? Was this person enough of an authority of The Price Is Right musical cues that they knew what would go with each event? Or did this require research? Is it just serendipity that everything works so well? Is there some musical phenomenon at work here? Did they know this going in, or is it just coincidence that this music seems totally native?
I’m sorry it’s just all so absurd
"Shade is… I don’t tell you you’re ugly. I don’t have to tell you because you know you’re ugly"